Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. It was suggested to me that I write about this. Hard to do without falling into easy clichés about good times and bad, wah wah wah. But there’s often a reason cliches are clichés, right?
Like most couples, we’ve been through the ringer, especially in the first several years of our marriage. We’ve also experienced joyful, beautiful, amazing moments as well. We certainly know how to celebrate the good times, not lavishly, but we make them special and try to connect to one another. A very good friend once told me she’d rarely seen a couple prop one another up the way we did during a particularly difficult time. This was a much welcomed observation from someone who’d lived through many years with us.
I am in a little bit of disbelief – how could it be 15 years? It doesn’t seem like so much time could possibly have gone by, although the Hubs will (hopefully jokingly) tell you it feels like 30. Thing One is 12, Thing Two is going to be 9 very soon. (how am I old enough to have these kids, even if many of my peers’ kids are even older?) If we’ve been married for 15 years, that means we’ve known one another for 17+. That’s about as long as I lived in the house I grew up in. That’s as long as I’ve done anything or been anywhere consecutively in my whole life. (I think I moved 6 times between 1987 through 1991, if that tells you anything).
The last time someone said to me, “I thought you were so much younger!” My response (after feeling really flattered and happy) was, “you just think that because I’m so immature”. We all laughed but no one corrected me. (things that make you go, “hmmm”… ) It’s all a state of mind, right? Same with my marriage. Same with parenting my kids, living without my parents, celebrating birthdays, sending kids off to school each fall, seeing friends for the first time in a long time, finding old papers and receipts, photos from long ago… sometimes even buying The Things the next size up of clothing does this to me.
Between this anniversary, Thing the Elder turning 12, my latest birthday a month ago (almost 50 – GAH!), the anniversary (yartzheit, in Yiddish) of my father’s death, and my recent high school reunion (30 years! there’s another “how the hell can that be true?” realization) I’ve been thinking a lot about time, and time passing. I’m not being maudlin. I don’t think I’m brooding. It’s just a mood, a heightened awareness brought on by all of the above mentioned events. Perhaps it has something to do with the start of the new Jewish year and school year.
Let’s see if I can wind this back to my wedding anniversary. At the end of the day, without expecting it to be too much of a hallmark sort of flowers and candlelit dinner sort of day (not a chance this week!) the important thing was that The Hubs and I could look at one another and know that we’ve made it another year together. Stronger? Maybe. Happier? Than this previous year, for sure. We move forward, it’s what we do.
Author Note: the above lovely anniversary cookie photo courtesy of one of the most fun and funny website, Cakewrecks! I hope using the picture but crediting you a gazillion times is ok.